10 tips that divorced couples can give to lovers
Nobody wants to listen to advice - it's a fact. But still, before jumping into a love boat called “marriage”, listen to the “elders”, those who managed to swim and, due to various circumstances, moored back to shore, that is, divorced. Suddenly, even through rose-colored glasses you will see something vital or useful for yourself!
Tip number 1
About the fact that marriage is a job, they write to all and sundry, but, unfortunately, this is true truth. Can you relax? No. Once they were silent, offended, locked up - and that’s it, consider that the snowball began to roll in the direction of inevitability. What is the conclusion? Talk to talk. Helps in any incomprehensible situation. But this is not about the fact that “dear, it seems to me, there is something wrong between us”, but about real-life misunderstandings. The husband, perhaps, will begin to resist: after all, conversations on the souls are not a man's hobby. Therefore, your task is to learn to clearly and intelligibly convey the idea to your partner.Imagine that you are preparing a report for a male audience and you have a few minutes to speak. Do not forget about the introduction, the main part, a few seconds to drink water, and finally the conclusion. Clear and not filled with too strong emotions, thoughts are able to appreciate and at the same time understand even the most impenetrable character.
Board number 2
Gen. Yes, he really exists. If the nature of the hostess has bypassed you, try to clarify with your husband on the shore who will be engaged in all these wonderful things. Press on cleaning companies, home delivery - in general, modern conveniences that it is strange not to use today. If you feel that the bridegroom does not hear you point-blank, considering these options as “unnecessary expenses”, then I assure you that you will definitely encounter everyday difficulties in marriage. So one of the secrets of a successful union is a clean apartment and satisfied tenants. It is extremely important for a young couple not to have disagreements, and indeed, topics for discussion like “who washing the floor today”.
Tip number 3
At the “we meet” stage it would be good to clarify for yourself what is happening between you all the same - whether it is healthy love or toxic attachment.Yes, many people do not even realize that they are not looking for relationships, but for someone who will fill their void and serve the part that is traumatized in the psyche. As a result, a neurotic couple is formed, which only does what controls each other and in every way swings emotional swings in order to live and exist at least somehow. If you find something similar in yourself, in no case do not marry - engage yourself and your “recovery”, and with this man or others, it is not so important.
Tip number 4
Time for yourself. Yes, it definitely needs both halves of the pair. Let the partner have a rest, do not be greedy and do not count the clock apart. No one, even the most ideal couple in the world, can not exist side by side in 24/7 mode. You are not Siamese twins, but adults with their own interests. Women have a greater tendency to lose their hobbies in a marriage, turning as a result of an extravagant and merry party girl into a seal with a bunch on her head in front of the TV. And if every time you see off your husband in such a way and with a dull face to football or to a bar, you will certainly cease to be a bright and interesting person for him. And first of all for myself.Well, for this you said the cherished "yes", when he made you - still well-groomed and slender - an offer?
Tip number 5
Do not discuss the husband with girlfriends or mum. In general, in every possible way, protect your personal (your personal) space from outside interference and ratings. Do not allow anyone to criticize the way you live. Or impose your point of view in matters that concern you two. Of course, mother's judgment is unlikely to immediately lead to a divorce, but if she continuously drips onto the brain, that “Tolik earns little” or “He often drives you on business trips,” it will sooner or later begin to sound in your head . What to do? Line up the boundaries with your mother in relation to your husband and his life. You just have to do it if you want to have a long and happy marriage.
Tip number 6
Do not marry someone who is not sure. As much as we would like, but globally, it will not change. If you already have fights, betrayals, distrust in your joint history, you will have to give bad news: this will always be the case. The very fact of marriage is not able to edit the values of your partner, especially as you want. It is very difficult to look at a person without illusions.But understand one thing: everything that you see is the person, and everything that seems to you or you think out is your imagination. Living with a real person or fantasy is up to you.
Tip number 7
Happiness in the details and seconds. Similarly in marriage. It will not always be like in the first months. Sometimes it will be too calm, sometimes - boring, sometimes - with a twinkle. We can not be for ourselves always cheerful and cheerful, and also in a pair: we just remain ourselves with all our moods and states. Therefore, do not impose on the marriage of high hopes that now you get married and come unrestrained fun. No. Rejoice when it is, do not dwell in his absence. And in general, do not dwell.
Tip number 8
Do you know what the union is really built on? In India it is said that marriage can exist forever if there are three coincidences. And then they show on the head, heart and lower abdomen. Of course, we do not always coincide at the same time physically, spiritually and intellectually, but still there should be points of contact. This is not a fleeting affair, but a long-term story. So if you like jazz, and he goes to karaoke, then someday, believe me, this will be a serious reason to disperse.No one forces you to look for a partner with a subscription to the Music House, but still it will be great if you are on the same or parallel wave.
Tip # 9
Lack of plans. You may be surprised, but 90 percent of couples, when they marry, stop living and begin to plan. Children, vacation, mortgage, cottage, turning (attention!) Into their own parents. Kamon! What time do we live, forget? Where is spontaneity? Where is the "here and now"? What is the cottage? Undoubtedly, you will shade from new images for a couple of months, and then turn into unpleasant people with claims. Of course, it is necessary to make plans, but it should be done very carefully, slowly and without pressure. The world will not collapse if you do not discuss interest rates and any options for housing exchange in the next evening. Live easily, however hard it may seem. This is exactly what unites and holds us together, and not all of the above.
Tip number 10
Love and pump heart. Love just like that, for no reason. Learn to love for no reason. Sometimes give in, sometimes do what you sincerely want. But do not offend a partner and do not be offended by yourself. The more you have unconditional love in your heart, the more effectively it will circulate through the body and reach the partner. Love, but remember that love comes with experience.And in fact, with years of love it becomes much more, and its quality is deeper and more powerful. And never forget: love is only your choice and your responsibility.
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