How to learn to be happy?
Together with joy, we often experience guilt and anxiety.
In social networks, this anxiety manifests itself in the form of magical thinking. Here you will see pictures with Nicholas the Wonderworker and the signature “Like luck, repost so the parents live forever,” and the ineradicable village tradition of not showing your baby’s face on social networks without indulging in daily photospam with a cat sticker sticker instead of a face. This is a fully justified desire to talk about your joy, but not to incur envy, evil eye, spoil and other heavenly punches.
Surrounding people rarely remain indifferent to someone else's happiness - this means that poisonous comments, depreciation and uninvited advice will certainly follow. “Oh, did the publishing house offer you to write a book? Congratulations! It is a pity that now you will not live on writer's fees ”; “What a beautiful husband she has ... True, she works as a manager in the cellular communication salon, I’m confused about her beauty”; “Decided to give birth to the third? Wow, and you pull so many children? Oh, that’s good, of course, but you’d better buy a used stroller. ”
The common phrase “to share your happiness with others” shows in practice complete inconsistency.
There are too many chronically unhappy people in Russia, and they simply do not believe that anyone can seriously be happy.
It is enough to open any portal with news about the life of famous people and read comments. Beyonce gave birth to twins? “But where can she have so many children, but she doesn’t see them at all, does her work - she shakes rolls on the stage in her shorts.” Did Brigitte Macron ride out on a bike ride? "How can you be so greedy that you can’t set aside a little of a plastic surgeon from your countless money so that you can make it young again." And so on and so forth - kilometers of someone else's pain and hatred in the comments. Needless to say, if a quiet and happy life of strangers causes involuntary and abundant bile flow to many people, then the happiness of those you see with your own eyes seems completely intolerable?
This is also due to the fact that in Russia it is still customary to adhere to the philosophy of life “God endured and told us to.” The generation of our parents, as well as grandparents, can be called tolerance specialists: in every family there is a story about an alcoholic and his heroic wife who saved the faithful all her life,yes it did not save; the tale of an unfaithful husband who walked endlessly to the left, and the wife tolerated everything, and another thousand and one examples of the fact that there is no happiness in life, but only duty and overcoming. Hence the confidence that it is meaningless to actively change anything in your destiny, but it is possible to go with the flow as comfortably as possible, trying to make the counter logs beat the least sensitive. Those who decide to live differently, provoke a fierce cognitive dissonance among supporters of stoic patience, because for some reason it is they, “renegades,” everything goes well. What can not but arouse the desire to decry such a way of life as to somehow justify their inaction.
Perhaps we are all a bit traumatized by historical events and therefore are not so sure of our own right to happiness. Almost everyone can tell how the quiet life of his ancestors suddenly ceased a little less than a hundred years ago: repression, war — all this did not contribute to a sense of stability and serenity.
My husband once admitted that he was very happy. But the constant feeling of guilt and the premonition of something bad is poisoning the joy of every day. Why is it, where does it come from?
It seems to me that this is a memory of generations, which, like facebook, sends us endlessly files of memories: "84 years ago your great-grandfather, the teacher of the Russian language, was taken straight from the lesson. He, a young, healthy and happy man, was sent to one of the camps of the Gulag. For 8 years, he wrote letters to his family - there were despair, longing, hunger and terrible forebodings. Then the letters stopped, and relatives did not know what happened to him. Obviously, he died, even though his wife did not know what exactly happened until the end of her life, and hoped for a miracle. Want to share this event with your friends? ”
“75 years ago, your other great-grandfather died returning from the war in 1943. He survived the war with all its horrors, was demobilized, but the train that drove him to the house and family was bombed. Want to share this event with your friends? ”
And this dramatic experience of previous generations as if endlessly whispers that a cheerful beginning of a fairy tale always means a bad and, most importantly, an unexpected end. But if you expect him and worry endlessly, then maybe there is a chance to get ready? ..
Anxiety support and sad news that occur in the world.It seems that every day planes fall around us, children die in the most ridiculous circumstances, terrorist attacks occur, and hurricanes take their lives right in the center of the capitals. Happy to be scary. What if for every joyful and serene day you have to pay?
That is why we feel guilty about our happiness and do not rush to talk about it. Therefore, we are so afraid of any changes in life: what if it gets worse? And suddenly, those who already live not very well, fate does not experience new misfortunes, which means you need to quietly carry your cross and not hang out?
But we are already paying for our happiness - this is the very daily alarm. And worse than her only confidence that you do not need to do anything to become happier.
We cannot foresee an incurable disease, a drunk driver on an opposite or a thousand other evils. There is only today - and it makes sense to make this "today" happy.
Sign up, finally, on eastern dances or fly to Prague for the weekend, stop communicating with an intolerable gossip counterpart, or go to the movies with your child for a morning session, and then eat five servings of your favorite ice cream for two.We worry and think a lot about what we should do, and too little about what we really like. Buzz from your favorite things helps to feel happy and reduce everyday anxiety.
Sometimes this is not enough. Then you can try short meditation practices. They are aimed at switching the brain to the "here and now" mode, which means they help stop worrying about the future. If anxiety significantly interferes with living, you can consult a doctor: the selection of anti-anxiety drugs and psychotherapy effectively solve the problem of painful guilt and anxiety.
Happiness is a relative thing and does not obey the laws of mathematics. Therefore, attempts to predict it or otherwise find it meaningless. Happiness is not in the future slim figure, for the sake of which you are sweating in the gym - it is right today, in the evening jogging along the embankment and in a delicious iceberg salad, tomatoes and grilled turkey. Happiness is not in doubt whether your child will receive recognition and a Nobel Prize in his 30th - it is in this moment, now that you spread the two-meter paint on the floor and began to practice together in an insane combination of colors.
Events that we cannot influence are obligatory co-authors of our life scenario.Therefore, to relax and improvise is sometimes the wisest strategy.
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